http://www.dawn.com/wps/wcm/connect/dawn-content-library/dawn/news/pakistan/04-degree-fake-real-raisani-qs-08
Reaction to statement of Raisani in The News: Thank you, Raisani
Thank you, Raisani
It happened one bright sunny morning in the Land of the Pure that one fine gentleman, Mr Raisani of Balochistan, announced to the whole world that cared enough to listen: a degree is a degree, genuine or fake, it doesn’t matter. Armed with this information, my gardener, who is quite apt at the art of digging things, decided to go for a mid-career transition, and opened a dentist’s shop. I say shop because the word clinic is not in his lexical range. He is very happy, this gardener. He digs at people’s molars and slashes pieces of their tongues, and beams at a newly acquired piece of framed paper that adorns half of his clinic’s… errr... shop’s wall. It’s a fake degree, ladies and gentlemen, bought at the local meat shop. But what does it matter, a degree is a degree even if it is acquired from a butcher, we don’t care. Talking about this honourable Mr Butcher, he, as a side business, has opened up a fake-degree issuance bureau under the direct patronage of 144 or more members of parliament. Since he is very good at cutting guts and cleaning them inside out, he is thinking of getting a surgeon’s degree for himself. Would the respected Mr Raisani, who thinks a degree is a degree even if it is fake, allow this newly inducted member of the medical community to perform a surgery on his esteemed being? It needn’t be a gut surgery, a simple realigning of the reality-check hormones would do.I must say I am a bit resentful of Mr R who has taken so long to establish the worth of genuine degrees. I mean, why didn’t he say so when I was wasting the most precious years of my life writing assignments and reading obscure philosophies to get my genuine degrees? Why didn’t I just buy some fake ones? But it is never too late. Next time I go for a job and my employer tells me that I need a PhD in order to get a permanent job, I will simply invest in a fake degree. Can Dr Awan please guide me in this particular field? I would also request the HEC to please allocate a special fund for buying fake degrees so that the poor members of the academia, like me, could put decent food on their tables.All in all I am quite looking forward to the impact these golden words of wisdom might have on my students. As soon as the summer holidays are over and these students are back, I plan to spread this new mantra of prosperity among them. “Haven’t you heard?” I’d say, “A degree is a degree and it doesn’t have to be earned.” Imagine the relief; no designing courses, no sleepless nights reading books, no marking of papers, no keeping of records. In fact, no universities! Oh, here’s an idea: why don’t we just close these places of indulgence and turn them into gambling dens?I recommend a career change to all the people who work at universities. As far as I am concerned, I’ve already decided what I am going to do with my life. I am going to join the Defend-Zardari movement. It’s new, it’s happening, it doesn’t require an unblemished past, and above all you get great coverage on the media. The only thing I will have to do is change my name so that it begins with an F, and learn the art of bullheadedness in the face of intelligence. The perks are amazing. I will get free grooming, free face-lift, free wardrobe for Capital Talk, and yesss, a 10 per cent from the latest ‘Buy-the-lawyers fund’ every time I say the words democracy, danger, sacrifice and revenge… not to mention non-state actors, whatever the hell they are.
Reaction to statement of Raisani in The News: Thank you, Raisani
Thank you, Raisani
It happened one bright sunny morning in the Land of the Pure that one fine gentleman, Mr Raisani of Balochistan, announced to the whole world that cared enough to listen: a degree is a degree, genuine or fake, it doesn’t matter. Armed with this information, my gardener, who is quite apt at the art of digging things, decided to go for a mid-career transition, and opened a dentist’s shop. I say shop because the word clinic is not in his lexical range. He is very happy, this gardener. He digs at people’s molars and slashes pieces of their tongues, and beams at a newly acquired piece of framed paper that adorns half of his clinic’s… errr... shop’s wall. It’s a fake degree, ladies and gentlemen, bought at the local meat shop. But what does it matter, a degree is a degree even if it is acquired from a butcher, we don’t care. Talking about this honourable Mr Butcher, he, as a side business, has opened up a fake-degree issuance bureau under the direct patronage of 144 or more members of parliament. Since he is very good at cutting guts and cleaning them inside out, he is thinking of getting a surgeon’s degree for himself. Would the respected Mr Raisani, who thinks a degree is a degree even if it is fake, allow this newly inducted member of the medical community to perform a surgery on his esteemed being? It needn’t be a gut surgery, a simple realigning of the reality-check hormones would do.I must say I am a bit resentful of Mr R who has taken so long to establish the worth of genuine degrees. I mean, why didn’t he say so when I was wasting the most precious years of my life writing assignments and reading obscure philosophies to get my genuine degrees? Why didn’t I just buy some fake ones? But it is never too late. Next time I go for a job and my employer tells me that I need a PhD in order to get a permanent job, I will simply invest in a fake degree. Can Dr Awan please guide me in this particular field? I would also request the HEC to please allocate a special fund for buying fake degrees so that the poor members of the academia, like me, could put decent food on their tables.All in all I am quite looking forward to the impact these golden words of wisdom might have on my students. As soon as the summer holidays are over and these students are back, I plan to spread this new mantra of prosperity among them. “Haven’t you heard?” I’d say, “A degree is a degree and it doesn’t have to be earned.” Imagine the relief; no designing courses, no sleepless nights reading books, no marking of papers, no keeping of records. In fact, no universities! Oh, here’s an idea: why don’t we just close these places of indulgence and turn them into gambling dens?I recommend a career change to all the people who work at universities. As far as I am concerned, I’ve already decided what I am going to do with my life. I am going to join the Defend-Zardari movement. It’s new, it’s happening, it doesn’t require an unblemished past, and above all you get great coverage on the media. The only thing I will have to do is change my name so that it begins with an F, and learn the art of bullheadedness in the face of intelligence. The perks are amazing. I will get free grooming, free face-lift, free wardrobe for Capital Talk, and yesss, a 10 per cent from the latest ‘Buy-the-lawyers fund’ every time I say the words democracy, danger, sacrifice and revenge… not to mention non-state actors, whatever the hell they are.
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